Critique Feb.14th 2013 Mexican Masks

      Don. Octavio Paz writes that, "unlike other people, we the Mexicans believe that opening oneself up is a weakness or a betrayal... he can do many things but never backdown and can never allow the outside world penetrate his privacy."All of this in reference to the Mexican Mask, which is also the title of chapter 2 in, "The Labyrinth of Solitude." So when I hear the word, "Mascara," I think not of a physical mask but of a persona that one hides behind in order to maintain privacy. We all have a persona that is public, what we allow others to see, but their is always the persona inside that we keep to ourselves. A sacred identity that we rarely if ever allow others to see of know. We hide this identity for reasons known only to ourselves. We may hide behind this mascara to maintain privacy or even to hide unhappiness with who we truly are. I feel that everyone hides behind a mascara because if we freely open up who we are at risk of being judged, ridiculed or as Don Octavio Paz writes,"opening our defenses may lessening our manliness." We all decide to be who we want to be and our mascara or persona allows us to be exactly who we want others to see and who we truly want to be. We lie to assimilate to absorb and integrate to ideas, people or culture. These lies we tell eventually become truth in a sense because we ourselves begin to believe them and we become who we present ourselves to be.
      On a warm afternoon while walking home from my on campus internship I bumped into an old grey haired bearded homeless gent on the street talking to a group of students. I stopped and listened and heard him speak of the man he once was. Having a job a home and a family, but now alone, living on the streets and living a life that is so different to what his life once was. He spoke as if he was content with his current situation and where his life now was. I walked away thinking, "Is this man hiding behind a mascara? Is the persona he pretends to be really who he wants to be? Does he at all miss his former life? Is he really happy with who he is now and where life has taken him or could he be lying, simply to integrate to the people and culture around him? Is he masking unhappiness or loss?" All these questions have answers that I will never know because what he presents is his and our reality, his persona, his mascara. His words, his lies become his reality, what he wants us to see and what we accept him to be.
        I feel that I connected my image to the word "Mascara" and felt it to tie directly to the ideas of chapter 2 in our reading. I received great feedback from my fellow peers but was a bit disappointed to know that Prof. Tony did not quite connect the image to the idea of Mascara. I understand that we all have our points of view and respect everyones opinions. I take what I hear as constructive and apply the feedback to better my work. Sometimes its hard to break from a certain mindset and like Tony stated, maybe I am well trained and used to specific structure or style. I guess it doesn't hurt to think more outside the box and crate works that are unique, different and challenging. Thank you for everyones feedback as it molds me to become a better artist. Attached is the image for you all to re-enjoy! Till next time!

Post Week # 2: Anhelo
Ch. 2 Octavio Paz Discussion 


       This week our word to research and create work from was "Anhelo." I really had a hard time figuring out and deciding what the correct meaning of Anhelo was since there was alot of information that came up when I did an online search. I decided that for me the best meaning for the word Anhelo was, to long or desire. I thought," what do I long or desire most at this time?!" The answer to this question came very easily and helped me in creating the piece that you all viewed in class. So what is it that I long for or desire? What I long and desire for is to find my place and allow others to see who I am here at UC Berkeley. Ever since I moved to Berkeley earlier in January I have felt like an outsider as if I do not belong or fit in. I allow others to see and feel my presence and most are unaware of my disconnect, or that I only allow them to see what I think they expect to see. While reading chapter 2 of Octavio Paz I really understood what he refers to when he entitles the chapter, "Mexican Masks." It made me feel as if I were wearing a sort of mask, using it to hide from myself and others so that they could not see my vulnerabilities, differences or weaknesses. I related to Paz when he writes, "he builds a wall of indifference and remoteness between reality and himself." I am who and what I am and know what I am about, but wear that "mask" in front of others due to fears of not being well received or liked by my fellow peers and classmates. I came from a place where I did not wear a mask and everyone accepted me and my differences with out judgement or ridicule. I wear that mask to avoid finding out what they would really see or think if they knew the real me. Its funny how Paz describes that opening up, confiding if others or showing emotion lessens our "manliness" and sometimes I feel this can be somewhat true. If we open up we risk being judged, discarded, unloved or unliked or seen as a weak, but if we continue to wear that mask we may never really learn to know who we really are, regardless of how much we think we know of ourselves. Sometimes it takes the views and opinions of others to realize certain things about ourselves that maybe we are not in tune with or aware of. The word Anhelo reminded me of what I long for and desire, I  long and desire to fit in, to be well liked, loved and not judged for being me.To have a name and a face here at UC Berkeley. 
         I painted and image on cardboard that was influenced by a photograph of the lower level of the Kroeber hall spiral staircase from below looking upwards. The spiral had significance for me because it reminded me of the long and spiraled road I went through to find my self here. The black, what some in class called "eyelashes" are a symbol of the hurdles or roadblocks I had to overcome so that I could be here at Berkeley. Now that I am finally here I still hide behind my mask feeling loss and lost, thinking I know who I am but not really sure I really know anymore. Now longing to find myself and my place at this new University and town I now call home. I continue to see myself and allow others to see me as my piece, a name less, faceless person who is lost and hiding behind that "mask" that I make for myself. Until I learn to open up and remove that mask I fear to let go of is when I will be whole again, with a place, a name and a face. 

Week # 1 Tierra y Corazon

Post Week # 1: Tierra y Corazon
Ch. 1 Octavio Paz Discussion 

(Post your first project TIERRA y CORAZON (photo & writing)
Post thoughts, observations on Octavio Paz.)

       For our first project we were given two words Tierra y Corazon, meaning Soil & Heart, and were asked to think of a place, Mexico and connect those words and this place to create an image of what we felt these words meant or brought to mind. When reading Octavio Paz I envisioned the place and time he lived in. What was around, what people thought, what people were doing, listening to and viewing on television & film. From my research Octavio Paz first had "The Labyrinth of Solitude" published in 1950 at that time Mexico and the world were in a very distinct place in time and history. Paz's book is basically a "discourse on Mexico's quest for identity." I think at that time a place in history their were many groups of people, particularly those of mexican decent now living outside of their tierra that were searching for their place to belong and to feel connected with. They left their home tierra and now had to dig new roots in a foreign soil where they really were not accepted and grow to overcome adversity and build a new place to call home, a new tierra a place where their corazon would thrive and grow, a place to belong to and call home once again. 
     The words Tierra y Corazon made me crate a piece which I entitled, "The Blue Maria Felix." I was influenced by her early life story and a classic vintage photograph by the great Manuel Alvarez Bravo where her image is partially hidden by the shadows. Maria Felix was a great actress from the cine classico time of the 40's & 50's. When she first started acting she was offered a contract by an American studio where they would develop her as a great American actress, meaning they would most likely hide her true identity and her origins so she could be easily marketed and easily accepted by the American public. She would lose her identity and would have to leave her tierra Mexico and leave her corazon to follow her dreams. She wanted nothing to do with this and declined harshly as she wanted nothing to do with the America, its ideas nor its tierra. Her corazon, her life and soul belonged in Mexico and thats where she would stay and make her dreams come true. Like the pachuco in the reading Maria Felix did not want to "lose her language, religion, customs and beliefs." Maria Felix had the "stubborn desire to be different," as Paz writes, but she wanted to be different in her tierra where her corazon was. When I read her story and viewed the photograph I felt Manuel Alvarez Bravo really captured more than just her image he captured her soul and it spoke to me of all the hardships she had gone through to be at that place at that moment. I painted the image as it was in the full glamour of the late 1940's. It was painted on bristol board and used Ink and water colors. I used black and white coloring but added a blue colored shaw over her head to remind the viewer of her cold past, her hardships, hard decisions and a different type of greatness she gave up in America to stay in the place she loved, where her Tierra and corazon were connected.
     The piece was very well received by my classmates and I received great feedback. It was great hear all the different views and opinions of what the piece made different viewers think and feel about tierra y corazon while viewing the piece.